In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunitySun Tzu, A Arte da Guerra
It was a Thursday night. The exciting Thursday night when my wife works late and I’m watching the kiddos while making dinner.
Let me tell you something out the gate. If you have kids, then you already know this. Pulling off the scenario above successfully is not an easy feat. It requires a lot of patience and planning. And even then, things don’t always end up picture-perfect.
So there I am, cross-referencing two chicken tender recipes and a glazed carrots recipe, trying to piece together some semblance of an edible dinner.
I just got home from picking up the kiddos at daycare and both of them are playing in the living room a few feet away from me. I can tell they’ve got some pent-up energy, but they seem fairly preoccupied…
Then BOOM – they collide. Someone’s head hits the floor and starts bawling. Two seconds later, the other one starts bawling. So I divert my attention to the crisis at hand…
Once I remedy the situation and restore order, there’s just enough time to get the chicken tenders coated and on the baking sheet. But then I hear a grunt and smell something foul. Someone pooped.
“Really?” I thought.
So I change the diaper and come back to the kitchen to finish cooking the glazed carrots and pierogies.
Unfortunately, there’s another loud thump – this time the sound of a toddler making unsafe choices (i.e., jumping off furniture). So I quickly address said toddler.
Then, I rush back into the kitchen and grab everything I need to set the table.
At that point, the smoke alarm goes off because a few of my pierogies are burning. Ahhhh!!
So I rush over to the stove, remove the pierogies, silence the smoke alarm, and open the kitchen window for some fresh air. But then the oven timer goes off for the chicken tenders…
“Almost there.”
As I take them out of the oven, my youngest speed-walks into the kitchen and tries to open one of the two cabinets that aren’t fully baby-proofed. “Dammit, probably should’ve fixed that,” I thought.
At that point, my stress level had started to increase and a thought flashed through my head “How the hell am I supposed to get dinner on the table when I have to tend to a new disaster every 5 minutes?”
If you’re a parent, then there’s a good chance you’ve been in this same type of situation and are already beginning to cringe at the thought of a similar memory.
Sounds like chaos, right?
[content_upgrade]Content Upgrade Error: You don't have any lists.[/content_upgrade]Chaos Is Unavoidable
There is chaos everywhere you go. Even when your life seems like it’s in perfect order, there is chaos.
In small doses, chaos can be good. It can test your grit and make you more resilient. It can push you out of your comfort zone and take your career or personal life to exciting new heights.
However, it can also be bad. In short doses, chaos can push you over the edge and make you do something you’ll regret. In larger doses, it can eat away at your soul, leaving you a hollow resentful shell of a being.
One of the most interesting things about chaos, though, is that it can open the door to new opportunities, even when you least expect it.
But how do you embrace the chaos and what does that even mean?
How to Embrace the Chaos
To embrace chaos is to accept that bad shit will happen and to mentally remove your self from it when it does. In other words, it’s not letting the chaos suck you in. Because once you’re in, you lose control, like cattle getting sucked up into a tornado. One minute, things are cool, and the next, you find yourself in a tree the next state over…
So, how do you embrace the chaos?
1. Become more self-aware. When your day starts with something like stubbing your toes against a door jamb or tripping over a toy, you tend to react unfavorably. First, there’s the initial pain, and then often the, “Why the hell did I do that?” or “Who put that there?” Without thinking, most people will often stay in a negative space after that and continue to experience a snowball effect of negative events throughout their day. However, if you would stop and think about it for just a minute, you’d realize that maybe there’s an easy fix for the problem. Or maybe it was just an accident. Then, you can laugh about it, accept it, and move on with your day.
2. Let go. Your ego often complains when your expectations don’t match outcome of a given situation. You want to rationalize. You want to predict what’s going to happen next. You want to create order. But the reality is that there are events in this world that are outside your realm of existence, and they are both good and bad. Accept this and you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache.
3. Control your breathing. In the midst of chaos, many people go into survival mode. Their breathing becomes rapid and shallow and their cortisol levels spike. Taking deep breaths and using techniques like box breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold, exhale for 4 seconds, repeat) help to lower your heart rate and think more clearly. A quick guided meditation can help you do the same.
4. Posture up. Stand up straight, push your shoulders back, relax, and open up your chest. Uncross your legs and arms too. When your body is curled up in a ball and already in a stressed state, you’re not only straining your airways and other physiological systems, but you’re also holding in a lot of pent-up negative energy.
5. Interrupt the pattern. Do something to re-ground yourself. If you’re in a room surrounded by negativity, excuse yourself and take a moment to go outside for some fresh air. If your muscles are sore or your mind is stressed, take a cold shower. Go for a hike. Call a buddy and hit the town.
6. Add chaos to your life regularly. One of the best ways to do this is through martial arts, which continuously pushes you and keeps you right at the edge. The added benefit is that it trains your “fight or flight” response and helps you think more clearly when disaster strikes in other areas of your life.
[content_upgrade]Content Upgrade Error: You don't have any lists.[/content_upgrade]What Happens When You Embrace the Chaos
You Learn From the Experience
In the situation I mentioned at the beginning, I was stressed, but after several disasters, I realized what was happening. My mind was going down a negative path.
I stopped focusing on the negative, stood up tall, took a few deep breaths, and kept plugging away. When my wife got home later, she told me it was one of the best dinners I’ve ever made. And now it’s a staple for our weekly meal options! Crazy, right?
One of the lessons I took from that was that I do some of my best work when I’m under pressure. I also realized that there’s a fine line between frantic (when accidents happen) and moving with a sense of urgency.
If you look back at some recent chaos you faced, I’m sure you’ll find some useful insights as well.
You Become More Resilient
Every time you’re faced with chaos, your body or mind is pushed to its limits in one or more ways – physically, mentally, psychologically, or maybe all the above. Then, as the chaos subsides, you begin to see what you’re truly capable of. You develop grit and fortitude. You see potential. Then, when that chaos occurs again, it doesn’t seem as bad as it did the first time.
The best example I have of this is with kids. The first time you have one and start to raise that kiddo, you have no clue what you’re doing. Over time, you learn the tricks of the trade and become smarter, more efficient. Then, the second kiddo comes along and the process seems like a breeze. Not saying your second kid will be anything like the first, but the day-to-day stuff becomes so much easier. You have a general idea of what works and what doesn’t, and you have experience from the first time around that will save you some time.
With kids, you adapt and learn to gradually take on more responsibility while still juggling other things in your life. Sure, you still run into a shit-ton of snags along the way, but you become smarter, stronger, and more resilient along the way.
Embrace the Chaos and Be Happier
Earlier, I said that embracing chaos is accepting that bad shit will happen and mentally removing yourself from it when it does. However, sometimes it’s hard to remove yourself from chaos, especially when you’re right in the heat of it.
In times like these, do the best you can, and when it’s over, remember this. The chaos you’re facing is not who you are. You have full control of your true self.
Embrace the chaos and your true self can shine. Let your paranoia subside and true happiness ensue.
